boeserhimmel: (go away world...)
I have a Japanese exam this Monday (or rather the Japanese exam of this semester...) and I'm actually studying for it but I am really afraid that it's not enough. Studying has never been one of my strengths: I am lazy and my concentration has never been the best.

Now, I'm not afraid I won't pass, my Japanese is good enough for that, but I'd really like to get a good mark, too. I'd absolutely love to have at least 90 of 100 points (60 are required for passing) but somehow I think 70, or 80 at most, would be a lot more realistic. But I wouldn't be happy with that...

The problem is that I have a habit of making stupid little mistakes even with things that are really simple or that I'm good at. Mixing up/forgetting letters or words doesn't really matter in English or German anymore because nobody will believe I actually think "book" would be spelled "boog" or something. But in a new language stuff like that counts as a full mistake.


Back to studying kanji, then.

And vocabulary. OMG, there is so much vocab left to learn...
boeserhimmel: (rl)
While I'm not dead I did do relatively little over the course of the last few months. That doesn't mean, however, that nothing happened. So, a short list of the epic events in my precious little life:

- I will give up biology. The very simple reason behind that is that I found out it's simply not for me. So I'll do Asian Studies starting next semester – hopefully, I'll get that place in Japanese that I hope for. I will have to move anyway, because there is no way in hell I will continue with biology.
So wish me luck!

- I got the platinum trophy for Skyrim. \o/

- Over the last long weekend (from Friday till Tuesday) I visited [personal profile] les_lenne AND IT WAS AWESOME.

- My life is still full of fail. The apartment looks horrible, I lack anything resembling motivation and my self-confidence... well, we better not talk about that.

- Still anxiety. About everything.

- But I'm working on it.

- Still, I think I'm slowly getting back into writing. It's fun whenever I manage to motivate myself to start and I keep getting ideas. For the longest time I was lacking any and all inspiration. I was always able to make up scenes and dialogue in my head but that was gone and I think it's returning. That won't increase the quality of my writing, but hey, that's something you can work on.

- I finished playing Final Fantasy 13-2 and I didn't hate the ending? Didn't like it really, but it fit. The "to be continued"-screen made me really angry, though. I consider getting all the paradox endings and maybe, just maybe, try working towards the platinum trophy. But really, I have more than enough games left to play and I can't create time from thin air.

...I think that was it, mostly. There's a lot of time spent playing video games.

:( :( :(

Feb. 2nd, 2012 12:39 pm
boeserhimmel: (go away world...)
So I manage to oversleep once in twenty years because the alarm clock doesn't ring and of course it's on the one day I'm actually supposed to meet up with to of my my uni friends (?) to have breakfast.

So no meaningful irl social interaction for me today.
It's not as if I wasn't used to that.
boeserhimmel: (writing)
When I try and force my brain to be creative it deliberately makes up the most ridiculous ideas possible.

I believe it is trolling me.


Jan. 16th, 2012 06:57 pm
boeserhimmel: (rl)
Finally slept at 3:30 a.m. or something (The one responsible. You know who you are. I hate you today, allright? KTHXBAY.). Had to get up at 6:30 a.m. - tempted to strangle self with own hands.
Gets ready for university, exits the door and finds car covered by a millimetre-thick layer of ice. Broke ice scraper on stone-hard surface. Proceeded to weep silently. Found windows and windshield frozen from the inside, too.
Was late for chemistry lecture.
Got out of university building ten hours later to find car frozen yet again. Couldn't bring self to care.
Drove home half-blind.

Other things happened. I drank the strongest espresso known to man-kind with a dose of sugar that would have killed a diabetic person right on the spot, which left me shaking uncontrollably throughout neurobiology. (Kind of fitting, really.)
Speaking of which, neurobiology was fun. The professor is easy to listen to but really, I wish we would learn things I haven't dealt with extensively in school.

Was informed by uni friends that I was supposed to organise our little trip to a guided tour through the anatomy department (because they'll have a human body there, of course!) Couldn't remember ever agreeing to that. I guess they asked me on Friday while I was asleep and I made some sound that could be interpreted as "yes". If this is what their love lives are like I am truly worried.

Wrote some fan fiction. The characters apparently don't care about what I want anymore.


Jan. 10th, 2012 08:04 pm
boeserhimmel: (rl)
This is apparently one of those days where you suddenly realise that it has become late evening even though you haven't properly eaten during the day, the flat still looks a mess and you have carefully avoided studying for the upcoming, rather important exam.
Obviously, time doesn't care whether you pay attention to it or not.


Dec. 27th, 2011 11:19 am
boeserhimmel: (Default)
1. Well, I am. That is the good news.

2. The not-so-good news is that I haven't written anything in ages (it's been two years, really) and it shows. My writing feels clunky and unnatural, full of repetitions and awkward phrasings. It's like starting all over again, only with higher standards, which is, uhm, not necessarily a good thing.

3. Maybe I chose the wrong stories to start again. When I first got into writing I basically copied scenes from other authors' fanfics (taking the general idea and rewriting it in my own style) and slowly progressed on to smaller stories.
But now, my to-write list sort of goes like this:
- a plot heavy multi-chaptered fic with lots and lots of character development and a hopefully likeable OC
- an AU-PWP oneshot where I fuck around with odne of the characters' ages for kink's sake
- another multi-chaptered fic, this time more about relationship development with a really weird psychedelic plot-setting-thing as framework

Generally, I like them all but who knows, maybe it's just to much for me right now?

4. My fandom is dead. *sobs*
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